mutelunatic | IC CONTACT

[AT SOME POINT DURING WHEATLEY'S POST-ROBOBODY MEDICAL STAY...

RING RING

RING RING

...There is no one on the line. Just a few seconds of silence before...

click.]

Edited 2012-06-03 23:10 (UTC)

[This happens three more times.]

[RING RING

RING RING.]

Hi, yes, hello. It's me, if you haven't figured that out; I mean, who else do you know with an accent like mine? No one, that's who. So, you know. Me. Wheatley. The bloke you nearly strangled to death at this month's jump for absolutely no reason at all? Yeah, that guy.

[Paaaaause. The pause of someone who has not thought any of this through.]

I would like my cube back. Please. Here I am, asking nicely for the cube. You don't even have to bring it straight to me, if you don't want to. You can…drop it off. in Medbay. Which is where I am, in case you were wondering, but you can just leave it with one of the doctors, I'll let them know to expect it.

Right, okay. Great talking to you. Looking forward to the cube. Bye.

[click.]

Just to recap, in the event that you went and deleted my first message before listening to it, which I would not put past you: Cube. Me. Reunited at last. That's the ultimate goal. I want it back. Okay. Bye.

[click]

Can't help but notice that you're…not returning the cube. That's fine, that's okay! Only bored out of my mind, here, in Medbay. Could maybe use a little intellectual stimulation, but it's not--I mean, ha, it's not like it's terribly urgent.

Just--just drop a line when you plan to bring it by. Send me a text, or something, I know you can type.

[click]

You are…not giving my cube back, are you?

[click]

[oh wow wait he sounds angry this time.]

Fine. FINE. That's fine. Keep it, see if I care. I don't need it. Got plenty of other things. It's just a cube. Not like it's anything important. Not like it was a gift, not like it's anything I LEGITIMATELY ENJOYED.

Actually, that reminds me. You know what I also enjoyed? Not being in space. But I guess that wasn't happening either, was it? Noooo, you just love making everyone around you miserable, don't you? Can you--look, answer one question. What, exactly, is the point of keeping my cube?

There isn't one! It's pointless! You're wasting everyone's time, including your own. Okay, look, you've got...I'll give you a few more hours, and if I don't have my cube by then, I'm going to come get it. Deal? Deal.

[click]

Edited 2012-06-03 23:12 (UTC)

Sorry. I'm sorry. That was rude.

I did mean what I said about the few more hours, though. If you would. Please.

[click]

Yeah, hi, it's me again. Still no cube!

Is it--is it not good enough that I'm trapped on a spaceship that will probably kill us, sitting around in Medbay in this awful human body? Do you really have to keep making it worse? Because that's what you're doing. This how you get your kicks, isn't it? Watching everyone suffer. I don't know why I expected anything else from you, if I'm honest.

JUST

GIVE

IT BACK.

[click]

Edited 2012-06-04 00:11 (UTC)

[And then he calls and does that several seconds of silence before hanging up

again.]

I was just remembering that time I told HAL about the three worst things that ever happened to me. They were, in no particular order: Dealing with Her, being stranded in space, and being shoved into this body. In light of recent events, however, I'd imagine that list could use some revision to include you nearly choking me to death last jump.

And since I've got nothing to do, here, in Medbay, I've been thinking a lot about what I'd change if I could, you know. Go back in time and do it all again, or whatever it is you humans placate yourselves with when you regret things.

Number one, on the list. Leave you in Long-Term Relaxation with the rest of them. Definitely--definitely what I'd do. Would have saved us both a lot of trouble, I think.

[click]

I just--I just don't understand you, I don't understand what you want, we could have been friends, I think we could have been REALLY GOOD FRIENDS if you hadn't gone and RUINED EVERYTHING YOU ARE THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.

[click]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that was uncalled for, I didn't--

Look, I know I was horrible to you, I didn't really mean any of that, I'm just a little...tense, right now, is all. Leveling with you, being absolutely honest here. You're not the worst thing that has ever happened to me, I'm sorry, I don't know why I say the things I do, sometimes, I--

I am...I am so sorry, I--oh, god.

[click]

Do you--do you think I asked to be like this do you think I sat down with the engineers and said HEY I want to be the biggest sodding idiot the world has ever seen? Do you think I said OH, WAIT before you finish, please hardwire me to DESTROY EVERYTHING I TOUCH, I'd really appreciate it? Do you think I asked for that? BECAUSE I DIDN'T.

[oh my god is he crying]

And now I'm stuck in this horrible body that doesn't want to do anything but leak and the transfer didn't work so you know what? You win! The end. I am...suitably punished. You can give my cube back and leave me alone.

[click]

Edited 2012-06-03 23:47 (UTC)

Okay, I think that...I am going to put my communicator away. For now. Probably--probably the best course of action. At this point.

I would still like my cube back. If it's not...too much trouble. I mean, ha, what use have you got for it, anyway? Can't be that exciting to solve it over and over again.

Just...food for thought. You know.

[click]

Edited 2012-06-04 00:31 (UTC)